Supernanny to the Rescue

                
The bunch of tantrum-throwing, ill-behaved, incorrigible, squabbling, bad-mouthed, dysfunctional brats we elected to government are an international embarrassment and a national disgrace. It is obvious that our ability to call them to account is wholly inadequate.  The behaviour we have witnessed for several years now from the overgrown kids in Leinster House is spiralling out of control. It is only a matter of time before Michael Mc Dowell throws himself face down on the Dail floor kicking and spitting in uncontrollable rage if any grown-up dares to suggest that he is wrong.

It is obvious that lads like Jim, Conor, Michael, Micheal, Seamus, Martin, Mary and ringleader, Bertie are desperately seeking our attention- hence the fits of pique, the challenging behaviour, the bad language, the deliberate playing out, the offensive insults, mugging of the elderly and the interminable lying. This is a job for….. SUPERNANNY.

As fans of Nanny Jo Frost, aka Supernanny (of the Channel 4 programme of the same name) will tell you, brats who behave this badly are in need of a firm hand, consistent discipline and constant reminding that if they do not do what they are told there will be consequences-for them. Adults must hold the line on these principles. There must be no rewards for brattish, lazy, dishonest acts. They must learn that their behaviour will not be tolerated and that we, the grown-up electorate are the final authority.

If we apply Supernanny’s methodology to our own mob of malfeasants we will be on our way to creating a more harmonious and effective government. First we must establish a “cool down area”. This is to be used immediately the bad behaviour kicks off and the wilfulness takes over. Instead of bemoaning the situation and pleading for them to behave themselves or entering into arguments which they will always reroute, we must act decisively by removing them to the “cool down area” until they have learnt their lesson and are ready to apologise for the outrage they have perpetrated. Mountjoy prison is ideally placed to serve this function.

Once we have clearly established that there will be immediate consequences for criminal acts perpetrated under the influence, wilful obstruction and embezzlement of old people’s pensions as well as a few ASBOs served on the boorish element in the Office of Overseas Development, we can move to the next phase of treatment. This involves giving each brat something to aim for, a tangible means of measuring good behaviour that leads to a deserved reward. The system is already in place- it is called the General Election. But we must stick rigidly to the contract. No giving in and voting for them if they have failed to live up to their side of the deal.

Each upstart must be assigned a specific set of tasks to undertake and promises to keep.  It must be made extremely clear in language that these outsized tikes understand that failure to comply will result in the forfeiture of all privileges and pocket money.  We, the grown-ups, will in turn guarantee to provide proportional affirmation and encouragement when genuine efforts are made to; clean up their mess, abide by the rules of civilised society, treat the populace with respect and refrain from using inflammatory, abusive and racist language.

However, Nanny Jo would also point out that the disgraceful antics of the Leinster House louts continues because of our laissez faire attitude as an electorate. It is not that we are inadequate or unable to cope. We too, are exhibiting learned behaviour gleaned from decades of neglect, betrayal, making do and putting up with.  Consequently, we have allowed the brats to get out of control and to believe that they are in charge. By allowing self-seeking, unprincipled, double-standards to go unchecked amongst our government ministers we have helped preserve a culture of  democratic unaccountability and contempt for the basic rules of good governance.

Supernanny might find that given our predicament and the entrenched nature of our problem that specifically tailored measures are needed to copper-fasten good behaviour amongst our government delinquents. Five yearly check-ups by way of general elections alone only serve too give a long leash to these particular pups.  Additional checks and balances are required: Dail Committees established to regularly monitor the performance of individual Departments, effective, independent procedures to investigate abuses of power by politicians and a grievance procedure operated by a Standards in Government body, identifying the types of misconduct expressly prohibited by any member of the government and empowered to enact consequences when misconduct occurs.

Supernanny does warn of having unreasonable expectations of undeveloped minds. The effects of this can be seen in those Departments headed up by Ministers who are quite obviously not up to the job.  Nanny Jo says this is setting ‘kids’ up for a fall before they have even begun. Leaving us to consider that Bertie’s ministerial choices are the work of a much darker force.