National Sorry Day for Politicians

Originally published in Village Magazine 4th December 2004

I was tickled to read that in response to the withdrawal of their funding by Belfast City Council that “The Vacuum” a free monthly paper is organising a “Sorry Day” on December 15th. Admittedly, it’s a tongue in cheek retaliation to the Christian fundamentalists of the Council who withheld the paper’s funding and demanded an apology from the editors because they had the audacity to publish an article on Satanism.

The possibilities of a “Sorry Day” are endless but I think it would be particularly effective if it were aimed at politicians who are especially deficient in the apology department. On Sorry Day, career politicians would have to cease their other activities for the day and enrol in a training workshop entitled, “Mea Culpa- the Beginners Guide to Begging for Forgiveness.” The Elton John track, “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” would be played on a continous loop throughout the day’s training-there has to be some opportunity for gratuitous revenge after all.

Mea Culpa would be an action- oriented workshop. At the end of the eight hour session each participant would appear on an extended RTE News to demonstrate their newly acquired skills by performing one wholehearted, unequivocal apology for something they should have apologised for much sooner. The National Grid would go into meltdown as the entire nation tuned in to watch a marathon broadcast of contrition.

Liam Lawlor ex-con, dirty politician, inveterate liar and greedy, self-seeking excuse for a public representative steps in front of the cameras outside the Dail. Chastened by his day of self flagellation and looking into the special Mea Culpa Mirror which shows him as others see him, Liam falls on his knees , tears open his shirt to show his exposed left breast and implores the country from the bottom of his heart to forgive him for betraying their trust, abusing his position and bringing a whole new level of debasement to Irish politics.

The Taoiseach shuffles coyly into view. He has spent a lot of his workshop time exploring with the help of an army of facilitators which specific sin/offence/ act he should choose to apologise for. Eventually it was decided it should be the most recent as that would hopefully act as a deterrent from committing further insults to the electorate. Once that was agreed the facilitators spent the rest of the day scripting a statement of apology for him to learn by heart so that at least his public apology would not be marred by any unnecessary verbal mangling. Bertie, directs his most doleful gaze into the camera and recites as he has been taught that he will never again exploit the plight of the poorest, most deprived people in the world to make himself look good in front of his international pals. He apologies profusely for his schoolboy boasting about increasing overseas aid and begs our forgiveness for his lack of sincerity and humanity.

Perhaps about now there would be a commercial break to allow viewers to partake of a stiff drink and pinch each other to ensure that they are not dreaming. Right after the advertisement for the newest line in sackcloth, ashes and hairshirts available now at all good stockists, we return to Kildare Street for my particular highlight of Sorry Day.




Standing very much alone but with a familiar defiance in his eye, is the Minister for Justice. For some minutes he continues to stand without saying a word, until a large, muscular facilitator sidles up to him and whispers in his ear. The facilitator remains at his side, as it is clear that the Minister is in need of extra coaching and persuasion. The facilitator attempts to push the proceedings along by telling us that the Minister has something he would like to say. It happens too quickly to be sure but eagle-eyed viewers are certain that the facilitator gives the Minister a hefty dig in the back which sends him falling to his knees. The camera pans down to the Minister’s now penitent face to hear him utter sotto voce that he wishes to apologise for being Michael Mc Dowell.


I am only sorry it will never happen.


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